Respecting Yourself and Others: Boundaries
When it comes to ensuring safety, some ways to reduce risk aren’t as straightforward as putting on a helmet when riding a bike or wearing a seatbelt in the car. However, one effective way to protect personal safety is to have a conversation where boundaries are clearly communicated.
A boundary can be an emotional, physical, or mental barrier that you choose to put in place with another person or a relationship you have in your life. We set boundaries to protect our mental and physical health, and it’s important to always respect others’ boundaries, as well as your own. Knowing your boundaries plays a key role in keeping your friendships and other important relationships happy and healthy.
How to Set Boundaries…
Understanding the different types of boundaries can help you support them more effectively as their Safe Adult and/or guardian. Learning what your child’s boundaries are and respecting them makes for a safe and confident environment for them to grow into…
There are three different types of boundaries that you can set: emotional, physical, and mental.
Emotional boundaries refer to how we handle or navigate situations regarding our well-being. An example of an emotional boundary could be, “I appreciate you spending time with me while we figure this out, but I’m feeling overwhelmed and need space.” Asking for any emotional support is just as important as asking for physical support.
A physical boundary could involve actions that someone does that affect us physically or our personal belongings. We might set a physical boundary if we’re uncomfortable when someone touches us a certain way or messes with our things. For example, if we don’t like how someone keeps taking our things without asking, we could say, “I don’t like it when you take my stuff without asking. If you need to borrow something, you can always ask me first. Please give it back when you’re done.”
Lastly, a mental boundary can help manage our thinking space in our relationship. We may need to set a mental boundary with someone if they are forcing us to share personal information we don’t feel comfortable sharing, or they keep invalidating our personal opinions and beliefs. The main difference between an emotional and mental boundary lies in the emotional versus the thinking aspect. We set emotional barriers to protect our emotions and mental barriers to protect our individual thoughts and/or way of processing information.
Setting boundaries never has to be a scary thing. Think of having boundaries in our relationships as guides to care for one another and how we all can grow closer together. Being honest with our friends and family is the best way to have these conversations and see common ground.
Let’s Talk About Consent…
Stating a clear difference between consent and boundaries can be crucial to keeping your child safe. These concepts can easily be confused, but as Safe Adults, it is important to reinforce this message with your child to ensure they understand that they can always say NO. This reading point can be a great way to pause and check in with your child about their understanding of what you just read, and check in on their peer and adult relationships they have in their lives…
When learning and understanding boundaries, it’s essential to be aware that boundaries and giving consent are not the same thing. Sharing a boundary with someone doesn’t mean we are automatically giving consent to this person. Although these terms are closely related, giving/receiving consent to/from someone will always be an entirely separate conversation from sharing our personal boundaries. We may often think of consent only in romantic relationships, but in reality, consent should be a part of any relationship in our lives.
If someone is coercing you and threatening you to change your boundaries or give consent, that is not a real boundary and NOT real consent. We should never let anyone belittle us or make us feel guilty for setting boundaries in our relationships. We always have the power to say NO to anyone who is trying to convince us to shut down a boundary or give consent to them. We teach youth that if someone makes them uncomfortable or they Spot Red Flags in someone’s actions, reach out to a SAFE ADULT to receive help in taking the next step to separate themselves from this relationship.
Respecting Others Boundaries…
Youth may often look to their guardians or Safe Adults to see how to treat others. This section can demonstrate how building vital relationships in their lives means being respectful towards one another and always treating someone how they want to be treated…
The great part about having boundaries is that they are unique to each of us, to make us feel our best mentally and physically. Someone like your best friend, teammate, or classmate might have different boundaries and other ways they would want to be treated. When we meet someone with different boundaries from our own, it is just as important to respect their boundaries as we would our own. We may not always know each other’s boundaries, so it’s important to have an open conversation and let our friends know ways we like to be treated to avoid conflict or any feelings hurt moving forward.
Over time, people’s boundaries can change, and that is totally normal! No boundary we create is ever going to be set in stone forever. Eventually, you’ll have to bring up that new boundary you’ve established for yourself to continue to grow in your relationships. When setting our own boundaries in place, it’s crucial that we never dismiss someone else’s. It is never okay to intentionally cross someone’s boundaries.
Crossed Boundaries…
Sometimes boundaries are unintentionally crossed; this section provides young people with practical language for responding. For families, this is a crucial moment to support children in voicing their feelings calmly and confidently. Parents can use this section to role-play scenarios or help their children recognize red flags in friendships or other relationships. By utilizing the MBF’s Five Safety Rules, your child can understand how to navigate these tricky situations and keep themselves away from any danger…
If anyone ever pushes past our limits and crosses a boundary we set with them, it’s best to vocalize our feelings and let the person know they made us feel upset. It is possible the person who crossed our boundary did it by accident, so when we voice our concern, they should apologize and not cross the same boundary again. But, if the person who crossed our boundary apologizes and continues to cross that same boundary, we may need to take action or Make a Move, such as creating space between yourself and this person, and spending time with different people in your life. It’s essential that we respect our boundaries, so others will do the same. If someone doesn’t care enough to protect our barriers, they might not have our best interests in mind, and it’s best to stay away from them if they continue to hurt your feelings.
Respecting our loved ones’ boundaries while respecting our own is the key to a healthy relationship. Protecting each other’s limits and boundaries demonstrates that we understand how to listen to one another, value each other’s feelings, and foster trust within our relationship. Setting boundaries is never a setback in our relationships, but rather a way to further them by being honest with one another and letting our communication skills grow.
Additional Resources:
If you are in an emergency situation or are in need of family services, please contact your local authorities and/or child protection service agency. CLICK HERE for a list of Help Hotlines.
