Spark connection with safety rule-guided conversations
Being a child/teen these days is filled with many ups and downs and pressure. To overcome challenges and equip children with skills that build resilience, connection is a must. All youth and young adults need Safe Adults in their lives they can trust to keep them safe, talk to them if they have been hurt, listen to their concerns, and provide day-to-day support.
Connection plays a crucial role in shaping a child’s sense of self and security and is the foundation of trust and communication. Initiating meaningful discussions is a valuable opportunity to strengthen your relationship and support their growth, while also protecting them. Incorporating these conversations into your daily routine can help!
This guide provides various ways you can include the MBF 5 Safety Rules© and the common language taught in MBF Prevention Education Programs (grades Pre-K – 12th) into daily conversations, demonstrate support, and offer guidance.
Knowing What’s Up for youth means they are aware of situations in their environment and people around them that may not be safe, both online and off. It also means knowing things like their parents’ and Safe Adults’ cell phone numbers in case they don’t have access to their phones.
How adults can use this Safety Rule: Talk to children about safety and listen to them. It’s important for children to develop a sense of responsibility through supportive interactions with others. Help them understand unsafe situations and how to use the Safety Rules to keep them safe. Make sure they know your personal contact information and how to reach you and other Safe Adults. Know whom they are with and what they are doing when they aren’t home, and learn about the technology and devices they are using or have access to, and talk to them about potential online dangers.
Start the conversation:
What was your “UP” today?
Tell me something you learned today that you didn’t know yesterday.
Spotting Red Flags for youth means using their awareness of safe versus unsafe situations to determine if someone’s behavior or social interaction, online or off, is unsafe or inappropriate.
How adults can use this Safety Rule: Teach children safety concepts such as personal space and boundaries, respecting themselves and others, safe vs. unsafe situations, secrets and tricks, and digital safety. Teach younger children the correct names for their private body parts and older children to never share a picture of their private body parts, and how to report abuse and inappropriate behaviors. Talking to children and educating them about possible dangers and how to spot the Red Flag behaviors online and offline minimizes their risk of being victimized.
Start the conversation:
Did you recognize any red flags today (at school, practice, on the bus, or online)?
Any red flags you’d like to talk about?
Making a Move for youth involves using good decision-making skills to respond to new or unsafe situations, both online or off. They can Make a Move by “getting away” from unsafe situations or people if possible, or by staying away from people and situations they know are unsafe. They can also be an upstander by encouraging others to make positive or healthy decisions and offer support to others.
How adults can use this Safety Rule: If you suspect a child is being harmed, trust yourself and Make a Move to keep them safe. If a child tells you about abuse or bullying that has happened to him/her or another child, praise them for telling you and take action right away. Report bullying to the school or organization where it occurred. Report abuse to your state child welfare agency, and unsafe online behaviors to law enforcement, and the Cybertipline at 800-843-5678. (Visit https://www.childwelfare.gov/organizations/ for state child welfare agencies and contact information.)
Start the conversation:
What’s your move for tomorrow? (Create an action plan for resolving conflict or to be an upstander the next time they spot a red flag.)
Is there something exciting planned for tomorrow (or next week)?
What class do you look forward to and why?
Talking It Up for youth means knowing they have a right to be safe and knowing they can use a strong or assertive voice if they or others are in an unsafe situation, online or off. They can Talk It Up by saying “No” to someone who is violating their personal boundaries, or someone who is demonstrating unsafe or inappropriate behaviors to them or others. Talking It Up also means telling (or reporting) a Safe Adult about unsafe or inappropriate situations
or behaviors.
How adults can use this Safety Rule: Talk to children using everyday opportunities to discuss safety and safe vs. unsafe situations. Ask children to spot Red Flags and use the Safety Rules to protect themselves using role-play opportunities. Let them know they can talk to you about anything, so if the need arises, they will feel comfortable talking to you about difficult topics. Talk to other adults about child safety, so they also become better educated and empowered. Helping your child understand the importance of asking for help and helping others makes a positive impact now and in the future.
Start the conversation:
Is there anything you’d like to talk about or share about your day?
Who is your closest friend? What do you like most about them or have in common?
If you could sum up today in one word, what would it be? Why?
Tip: If your teen starts conversations and expresses feelings, make sure that you validate them.
Don’t invalidate their feelings by saying, “This will blow over after elementary/middle/high school,” or “It’s not a big deal.” Whatever they’re feeling is important to them, so always listen and make them feel like their feelings are valid.
Tip: If you want them to express their feelings, try doing it first. You can share your feelings about certain topics or simply just tell them about your day. This will allow them to express themselves and feel comfortable sharing their feelings with you.
No Blame, No Shame means that no matter what happens or what has happened in the past, it is important to know that you should never feel ashamed to seek help and talk to a Safe Adult. You are not to blame, and it is never too late to tell. As children get older, they will encounter new people and situations, and if they’ve made an unsafe or inappropriate decision, talking to a Safe Adult can help them learn and get support.
How adults can use this Safety Rule: Let children know that no matter what happens to them, they are never to blame because adults are responsible for keeping kids safe ALWAYS. Let them know that no matter what they are told, they should never be ashamed to tell you or another Safe Adult about Red Flags, abuse, or anything else they need to tell you to help keep them safe.
Exhibiting effective and respectful communication skills and strategies with your child or teen leads to open communication and fosters connection. Every interaction, whether a simple conversation or a moment of reassurance or validation, reinforces the connection.
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